Rants of rage

I'm particularly fond of them, as many will probably know. On the whole, such small, pointless things to worry yourself over don't do you any good. Not to mention you tend to be the only one caring so deeply about it at the time. Sure, you'll soon no doubt find others who feel just as passionately about such acts packed with wankery and you can all get along in your communal hatred and chink your glasses to it... BUT (and yeah, it's a big but), you'll still find yourself at the end of it all wondering why exactly you even bothered getting so worked up about it in the first place.

I do wonder. Then I realise.

I like it. I like having a rant, I like being a moany bastard every now and then, I like making a fuss. After all, it is in my English heritage at the end of the day isn't it? It's only appropriate that I partake in such joyous activities.

I feel the easiest way to describe my current hatreds would be to make a list. I was originally considering a list of ten, but then I'd get to the 6th or 7th point and realise I was acting a fool. So a quick three it shall be, and I'll start it off with the one that is the most relevant to the time.

1. Checking-in.
No, not checking in at the airport before your flight, nor checking in your items at the supermarket self-serve lane. No, no, no. Checking in at a cafe on Facebook. Or perhaps even when you go to the gym? Or your favourite park? Or at your work? Or the supermarket even! Fuck yeah. Now that is some rad shit yo. What on earth happened to just doing your daily errands and tasks? Do you really need to let people know that you're now at the gym? Will people care if you're having coffee at some random little cafe, the same one as the week before? No, they won't.

However, I don't think any of those situations take the cake. I think what really takes the cake is when somebody checks in at an event, destination or even country. Anywhere that you'd supposedly be enjoying yourself. Now call me stupid, but surely if you're somewhere that's actually worth 'checking-in' to, you'd be... oooh, I don't know... enjoying it perhaps? Silly idea I know! Seriously now, how self-obsessed can some people be? I can understand that going to the gym, work or getting the groceries can all be very mundane, but is it really worth broadcasting to the world? No.

So, when you're going to a concert, on a road trip, or to a new country even! If you're doing any of that, anything that badass, then it should be so enjoyable that you should be promptly getting the hell off your bloody iphone/blackberry/whatever else has some darned 'checking-in' application on it, and getting straight on to enjoying the damn show - whatever it may be.



For goodness sake people.








2. Tailgaters

Yep, that's right, you wankers that actually think following at a distance of two whole metres is an appropriate way to drive. Yeah, no. I often find myself fantasizing about what I'd like to do to stop these... people (I really am trying to keep the bad language to a minimum, because if I wasn't... this whole post would be dropped with a few too many 'f' bombs).

I'll highlight two of them. Numero uno. A big 4x4 or van, complete with full bull bars and a rear step-ladder (for those not so up to speed with the vehicular lingo; a metal bar with steps, residing where the rear bumper lies, often complete with a tow bar for good measure). Oooooooooooooh the joy it would bring me. What a weapon to use against such folk. I currently follow the simple tactics of brake-checking (tapping the breaks suddenly to make them jump or have to slam theirs on) and slowing right down to a speed sure to annoy the hell out of them. The thing is, if I had the above equipment on my vehicle, I could perhaps tap the brakes just a wee bit harder, say... enough to damage their car. What do I leave with? Maybe a slight chip of paint on the metal bars - a small price I'm glad to pay.

Option number two: LED banner across the rear window. Now this is something I have realised will prove to be nowhere near as effective at stopping people from tail-gating you, more so aggravate them even further when they read a scrolling sign of 'Keep following at that distance and you might just crash.' (95% of the time I'd feel more inclined to say something much more rude. F.O.A.D for example). That's fine though, I find it entertaining to watch blood boil over such situations. I ESPECIALLY (caps lock for emphasis) love boxing them in on a motorway. I'm no dordler, I drive around the ticketing limit (108ish), but if you're driving up my ass when there are cars right infront of me, you're not getting anywhere. As a matter of fact, I'll actually make sure you get there slower as a result. I'll slow down to match the speed of the cars in the neighboring lanes and box you in like the ... you are. Then I will continue to look at you in my rear-view mirror and admire the result of it all.

In all honesty though, if you think driving up someones backside is going to get you anywhere any faster, it really isn't. You're just a mighty big cock.




3. Playing music off your cellphone

I put this in third as I have noticed it is a dying fad. However, I still seem to notice it all too often.

Now lets get this straight. Your phone might say it can play mp3's, but that doesn't mean through the speaker of your $40 phone (nor your iPhone either for that matter). Just because you can do something, that doesn't mean you should, and oh how that rings true here.

Walking down Queen Street or sitting on the bus blaring out some awfully distorted noise that vaguely resembles a T-Pain-autotuned-to-death 'song' does NOT sound good. Bose did not walk into the Nokia production line and sneak in a full surround sound system into the speaker slot of your phone. So please, be mindful of your surroundings. There are other people around you and I can guarantee you, if you can't see them doing the same thing, they sure as shit don't want to be hearing yours.

The joke of it all? That you're so intent on seeing who else is listening/being subjected to the crap coming out of your phone/boombox that you aren't even hearing it yourself. Maybe it's forgivable then? .............................................................................................................................. hmmm, no.

So. There it is. Quite possibly my longest post and it's about three little hatreds that shouldn't really be so. Oh sure, I see the humour in it all, here is me getting all wound up over three common occurrences in today's society, all of which' subjects don't care about.

I do though, I care. I secretly (or not so much any more) love to rant. Mmmm. I even savour it somewhat. I do however ask for any of those that might be culprits of the above to review it and realise whether it is the best use of time, whether it gets you there any faster or whether you are really a rude bastard.

P.S That thing about realising I would be acting a fool when I got to the 6th or 7th hatred? Yeah, that happened when I started writing out the fourth. Oops. : >